since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
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I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
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Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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