So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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