Soap is not a condiment
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
