new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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