I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
