Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
