i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
