one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
