discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
