hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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