We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
