FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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