Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
