Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
