I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
