What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
