YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What should our trivia night team be named?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?