I hate your face
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.