He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.