I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
