last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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