I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You're like the curious george of whores
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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