I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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