wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
