One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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