so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
