Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if only i could text you this smell
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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