the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
