I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
