yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There r osticjed everywhere
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
