Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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