if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
