I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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