i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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