i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
