An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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