i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
