Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize