she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
