ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
