I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
