thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
