so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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