you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize