I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
