Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
did i walk over a car last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
