I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
