Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
