He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
