ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
