phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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