let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
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When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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