One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
