Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
40s are totally the cure
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
