i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's get the cat blown out
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
