i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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