I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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