I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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