You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
