My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
