Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
