Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
