i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
