why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize